Two and a Half Months on T log

Changes I like from T:

• Increased body hair. I wasn't sure how I would feel about it before I started, but it's honestly great. My belly has hair on it now and it's cute. I already had a lot of body hair, but the new additions that make it more noticeable are nice. My moustache is coming in just a little bit stronger, it almost almost looks recognizable. I like stroking my chin and feeling the tiny hairs there. 

• My voice getting deeper. This was the thing I was most dreading just because I was worried about losing my singing voice and I was worried I'd somehow lose my deep voice-trained voice and get the high effete voice so many transmascs online have (Not that there's anything wrong with that! It's just not what I've ever sounded like!). So far nothing bad has happened, my voice has just gotten gradually deeper, with my throat hurting a little bit here and there, but usually it passes after a few days. It's gotten less and less breaky. My singing voice has changed a little bit, it's harder to sing really really high and it's hard to belt high as well. But my low range is powerful and so much easier to access and my fasetto has weirdly gotten a bit better as well. I feel like my voice is more well-rounded all around.

• Increased energy? I feel like I'm a tiny bit less exhausted than usual, but it's not really noticeable. Might as well be placebo effect. 

• Improved mood. I've been feeling a lot better recently, and I can't tell if it's the T or just my mood disorder swinging around again. I've barely felt suicidal this whole time, which is new for me. There's a theory that feeling suicidal is just an offshoot of wanting to change something in your life. Maybe taking T fulfils that need for change for me. I feel optimistic about the future and more "stable" and ready to face what's next.

• Fat distribution. Idk if this is happening. Sometimes I think I look better, until I remember I've always looked like this. I don't really think much has changed 

Changes I wanted from T but haven't gotten:

• Bottom Growth. I think it's gotten a tiny bit thicker, but not by much. It doesn't feel like it's growing.

• Increased Libido. This is was big one for me. I feel wildly dysphoric whenever I'm not horny. I honestly think T has somehow decreased my libido? I've gotten hard a lot LESS since starting T. I still jerk it constantly but I wonder if some of my hypersexuality was just a coping mechanism for depression, a coping mechanism I'm not relying on now as much. 

• Facial hair. Besides the aforementioned moustache and tiny beard hairs, my facial hair is not growing as fast as I thought it would. The beard hairs are peach fuzz, not corse. No hint of sideburns. 

• Feeling warmer. ???? Doesn't seem to be happening. 

• Increased muscle mass. Before T I gained like 10 pounds of muscle in my arms, all on my own by working out. It's such a common misconception that you need T to be strong. I don't think I've really seen any noticable gains now that I'm on it. 

• Lessened periods. The two periods I had early on T were some of the worst I've ever had in my life. This last one was fine, kind of like the normal ones I used to have as a teenager. Idk what's going on here. I'm pursuing birth control or something because when they're bad they're REALLY REALLY bad. 

Overall I've had a pretty good time on T so far. My gel is about to run out and I need to figure out how to get a new dose with my new insurance, so I might be forced to stop for a bit. I hope I don't crash out too bad when I do.